Things that confuse me - Part 112

Want to know a language that I have never mastered?

Hairdresser.

It happens every time. I ask for a cut that is layered all over to augment my curls, parted on the left with no fancy tricks because I absolutely never, and I swear I'm not kidding about this, style my hair in any way whatsoever or use any kind of spray, gel, mousse or other goop.

Somehow this is translated into "please spend one hour and twenty minutes styling my hair with assorted flattening irons, brushes, three different kinds of hair goop and other instruments of torture and give me a perfectly straight parted in the middle mullet that makes me look like a blonde Pat Benetar circa 1982."

I'm sure it will look fine once I run it through the shower and neglect it for the next two months, but really, is it truly necessary to give me a style so radically different from what I came in with that even the straight men at work noticed?

Oh well, at least the hair goop she used did NOT smell like coconut.

I just can't deal with that.