Now, why did I click on that?
Mar. 11th, 2005 11:46 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
trishkitThere I was, all relaxed and pleased with my week-long vacation in which I did absolutely nothing but sit on the couch and read. Then I had to go and do it. I don't know what I was thinking. I know that it is a surefire way to make me feel pathetic and depressed. But I did it anyway...
That's right, I went to my school's alumni page.
Mountain climbers, whale trainers, adventure tourism operators, outdoor pursuits instructors, Heavy Urban Response Search and Rescue Team Leaders (and I can't believe the who is doing this - he was such a dick), Arctic pilots, movie producers, reinactors, teachers on tall ships, teachers in the Antarctic, regular teachers, park rangers...oh my god, the list goes on and on.
Now, to put things into perspective, my classmates and I all studied outdoor recreation in university, so this type of thing is to be expected. Just the same, I feel quite nauseatingly inadequate and...lazy. Yes, there once was a time when I thought nothing of taking off for a weekend (or more) of whitewater canoeing or camping. Yup, and I would even dream of taking exciting vacations filled with strenuous physical activity. The kind of trips where you would come home and be so filthy that you would leave all of your gear outside and undress on the porch before you dared to set foot inside.
Hell, I had jobs where I would lead three different hikes a day and/or would be outside in all weather (and would have to get undressed on the porch). Jobs that were just as exciting and interesting as the jobs held by my classmates. But somewhere along the line I just lost the will to be in that line of work. It is all just so exhausting. It requires a level of energy and, let's be frank, earnestness, that I just don't have anymore.
Most of the time I am very happy in my chosen lifestyle of computer geekery and couch potatory. I say "chosen", because it would be easy to blame my career and hobby change on Pookie. He's really not into that kind of thing. But I didn't get out if it all because I followed him to the city. Being with him allowed me to make a change that I was more than ready to make.
Just the same, I feel a pang when I do things like go to the alumni page. I know that for every one person who has posted there are at least 11 who are leading normal, everyday, average lives, just like me. I guess it is the fact that I used to be interesting and exciting and special and all that horse poo. I still am, but not in a way that makes people say, "OMG that is so cool" the way it used to. (And, by the way, I always did feel like a complete fraud anyways. I mean sure, I love animals and trees and stuff, but I was never really that crunchy.)
I am much more comfortable in my skin today than I was ten years ago, no matter how ordinary my life is now. So I didn't climb a mountain on my vacation, but I did read 24 books (don't get too excited, they were mostly mystery novels and the like). And I didn't even hardly get a headache. How's that for stamina?
That's right, I went to my school's alumni page.
Mountain climbers, whale trainers, adventure tourism operators, outdoor pursuits instructors, Heavy Urban Response Search and Rescue Team Leaders (and I can't believe the who is doing this - he was such a dick), Arctic pilots, movie producers, reinactors, teachers on tall ships, teachers in the Antarctic, regular teachers, park rangers...oh my god, the list goes on and on.
Now, to put things into perspective, my classmates and I all studied outdoor recreation in university, so this type of thing is to be expected. Just the same, I feel quite nauseatingly inadequate and...lazy. Yes, there once was a time when I thought nothing of taking off for a weekend (or more) of whitewater canoeing or camping. Yup, and I would even dream of taking exciting vacations filled with strenuous physical activity. The kind of trips where you would come home and be so filthy that you would leave all of your gear outside and undress on the porch before you dared to set foot inside.
Hell, I had jobs where I would lead three different hikes a day and/or would be outside in all weather (and would have to get undressed on the porch). Jobs that were just as exciting and interesting as the jobs held by my classmates. But somewhere along the line I just lost the will to be in that line of work. It is all just so exhausting. It requires a level of energy and, let's be frank, earnestness, that I just don't have anymore.
Most of the time I am very happy in my chosen lifestyle of computer geekery and couch potatory. I say "chosen", because it would be easy to blame my career and hobby change on Pookie. He's really not into that kind of thing. But I didn't get out if it all because I followed him to the city. Being with him allowed me to make a change that I was more than ready to make.
Just the same, I feel a pang when I do things like go to the alumni page. I know that for every one person who has posted there are at least 11 who are leading normal, everyday, average lives, just like me. I guess it is the fact that I used to be interesting and exciting and special and all that horse poo. I still am, but not in a way that makes people say, "OMG that is so cool" the way it used to. (And, by the way, I always did feel like a complete fraud anyways. I mean sure, I love animals and trees and stuff, but I was never really that crunchy.)
I am much more comfortable in my skin today than I was ten years ago, no matter how ordinary my life is now. So I didn't climb a mountain on my vacation, but I did read 24 books (don't get too excited, they were mostly mystery novels and the like). And I didn't even hardly get a headache. How's that for stamina?
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(no subject)
Date: 2005-03-12 01:37 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-03-12 07:45 am (UTC)