Cat Rant

After 12 years, one would think that a cat and her human would have reached some sort of understanding.

After 12 years, my cat and I certainly understand one another: I am her bitch.

We understand that when I’m in the bathroom she will scratch frantically at the door until I open it, at which time she will peer over the threshold disdainfully and then walk away.

We understand that she will only drink water from the toilet, the tap or from a coffee mug. She has further established an understanding with Pookie that he will leave a tap running for her at all times in order to best serve her hydration needs. We also understand that mean ol’ Trish will turn off said tap at every opportunity.

We understand that human food makes her barf. Again, she has a side agreement with Pookie wherein he will give her all of the human food she wishes.

We understand that she doesn’t like to be picked up and carried around. Unless, of course, the picker-uper is Pookie.

We understand that that she is a full voting member of our household and that she always sides with Pookie.

What I fail to understand is how she can continue to find new and insidious ways to annoy me when she has a brain the size of a walnut.
( Cut for high levels of boringness )

I would love to publish a book called “How to Train Your Cat”.

I’d leave all of the pages blank. Except for the title page. That would read: "You wish".

Because it's all about Me...

Because who doesn't love talking about themselves?

50 40ish Things You May Not Know About Me

Five Things You May Not Know About My Time in School are:
1. I rarely went to classes. This started in elementary school when I learned to use my scholarly reputation to go and hang out in the library whenever I wanted to (which was always). This continued in high school and reached the apex in university, where there were several classes I only attended once or twice.
2. I have no study skills. I rarely studied for anything, preferring to rely on a general understanding of the concepts and filling in any cracks with bullshit and educated guesses.
3. Because of this I was a solid “C” student.
4. Despite this, I feel that I got a great deal out of my education and have been able to apply the knowledge gained from my studies throughout the course of my career.
5.I was popular.

Five Things You May Not Know About the Job (Jobs) I Have (or Had) are:
1. My first job was as a dishwasher at a local hotel called the Dyconia (popularly known as the “Dyke”). I made $3/hr cash.
2. My dad believes that he “forced” my sister and I to start working at the age of 13 and feels guilty. We disagree vehemently.
3. I spent four months on a 1000 mile canoe expedition that was a historical reinactment of the voyages of an 18th Century explorer.
4. I have very little ambition.
5. I used to have very interesting and exciting jobs, but found that I no longer had the energy or desire to do them anymore.

Five Things You May Not Know About My Online Life are:
1. World class champion lurker of epic proportions.
2. I read a wide variety of blogs and newspapers. I like to get all sides of a story.
3. I like to mock certain characters as much as the next girl, but sites devoted to hating characters and their fans repel me.
4. Harry Potter porn squicks me out. Even if it is well-written. Words cannot describe.
5. I call my boyfriend Pookie online and in real life because it amuses me. He is 6'2", 260 pounds and is regularly mistaken for a cop, what with the balding, shaved head, doughnut gut and extreme politeness. He only looks intimidating though. He's quite the marshmallow in reality.

Five Things You May Not Know About Where I Live are:
1. Even though I have only spent 6 of the last 15 years there, I still consider my hometown to be my home.
2. My hometown was a small town of about 5,000 when I was growing up. Over the past 4 or 5 years the population has doubled.
3. My hometown is a popular tourist destination, boasting a 14 km sand beach and ski hills nearby.
4. I currently reside in a city that is insanely healthy. It seems as if everyone here jogs, blades or walks.
5. I love where I live. It is a pleasure to be here, but I would still like to return to my hometown to live in the future.

Five Things You May Not Know About My Core Personality are:
1. I talk. A lot.
2. My sister talks even more than I do. Most people rightfully find this to be a frightening prospect.
3. Despite the above, I am quite antisocial and prefer to keep my own company.
4. I’m not very brave.
5. I avoid conflict at all costs.

Five Things You May Not Know About My Home Life are:
1. I have an identical twin sister, a half sister 12 years younger and a half brother 14 years younger.
2. My parents divorced when I was 7, but have remained very good friends.
3. My family is a patchwork. There have been many divorces within my family core which has resulted in having relations with labels such as: my ex-stepbrothers, my stepfather’s stepfather, my stepfather’s ex-stepfather, my father’s second ex-wife’s first ex-husband (don’t ask) and my former librarian/kindergarden teacher now aunt. We mostly go by first names. I get a lot of strange looks when I describe my family, but it all works out very well.
4. My sister and my boyfriend are my best friends.
5. Before I met my boyfriend I was happily living alone unable to imagine ever living with someone else. After I met him I couldn’t imagine ever living alone again.

Five Things You May Not Know that I Desperately Want are:
1. I don’t really have any desperate needs.

Five Embarrassing Fannish Admissions I Have That You May Not Know are:
1. I am a hopeless mushy, fluffy romantic. I can see ship potential in any pairing.
2. The biggest Mary Sue that ever Mary Sued lives in my head. It’s ok, I won’t let her out.
3. I have lots of fanfic ideas, but I’m nervous about showing my work to anyone.
4. My boyfriend and I talk about our shows all the time, but I have never told him about my fandom crushes. Not likely to either.

Five Things You May Not Know About What I Do in a Typical Day are:
1. I don’t need an alarm clock. I can make myself wake up at any time.
2. Actually getting myself out of bed is another matter.
3. I generally walk a couple of miles a day, unless I am hypnotised by a project and have lost track of time. In that case I can go for a couple of days without leaving the house.
4. I can’t go for a day without reading a book.
5. I’m inching ever closer to my ultimate goal of living the life of a cat.

Five Things You May Not Know that are Really Important to My Character are:
1. I read. A lot. I am an extremely fast reader, although I don’t deliberately speed read. This has been mistaken for a sign of intelligence by most other people.
2. I can’t stress enough how important reading is to me. It has been my escape ever since I was a kid.
3. I waited a long time before dating because I didn’t want to rely on another person for my happiness. I firmly believe that I made the right decision.
4. I have lived a lot of my life vicariously through my sister. I sometimes get confused about what I’ve actually done and what she has done.
5. My sister feels the same way. I would like to state once and for all that, despite what she “remembers” I did not wet my pants in the doctor’s office while she was getting stitches for a dog bite. Mom says so. I did, however, push her through a plate glass window when we were 10.