Reading is fun!
Aug. 12th, 2005 10:57 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
trishkitMy mom is part of a large web of people who exchange books. We don't really have any good second hand bookstores here, so it is a great way for everyone to read trashy novels. Now that I am back I am a beneficiary of this web and recently brought home a box of novels. I just hit paydirt.
Spy Not by George V. Henderson is quite possibly the worst book I have ever read and I am only on page 8. My sister got so sick of me reading all of the "good" bits out to her that she retreated to the safety of her own room.
This is a self-published book that is personally inscribed by the author. Despite this personal touch, my mother's friend still ditched it. It's just that good.
Here is the opening sentence:
"Officer Francis Ernest Mann slid out of his cruiser and let the early morning wind frisk him, finding all the moist areas on his body."
(punctutation, spelling and spacing as printed)
Page 2
There were no skid marks, but that was possible.
The tourist might have been drunk. He certainly was dead. The air bag had opened and the safety belt was on. However, the roof of the Ford had come up to meet his head; breaking his neck as the car had landed on its nose and flipped onto its back. While sliding down the yellow grass slope near the road.
Below, another police cruiser and a local tow truck were sizing up the problem so that the vehicle could be removed from the Rasta's property.
The Rasta had heard ' the mighty thunder' (Fran chuckled) but nothing else. The man was already dead when the Rasta had 'gone and looked right away'. The ex- Jamaican shook his dread locks, "Auta to cage dem tourists at night, mun!" was his contribution to the investigation.
Page 3
The lack of skid marks, began to bothered Fran. On second thought, if Mr. Sutton had been going too fast, even over fifty his trajectory would have cleared the road below and not stopped until he hit the harbour. No! too far. On the other hand Sutton should have been able to stop at a slower speed.
Page 4
Today the owners were away and Jimmy was about to catch his lunch and supper too, maybe. He chuckled. Reaching down with weathered black hands he pick up the fishing rod and red Kmart bait box, before slowly trudging to the end of the pier.
He seated himself, shaded by a battered straw hat and began to bait his hooks. Out of the corner of his left eye he saw it. His face paled as he realized what it was. The sharks had gotten the head. There were terrible slash marks on the neck. Only an arm and the torso bobbed by the pier support. He was first clutched by terror but Jimmy had seen death at Seoul and other less prominent places in Korea.
Page 6
Granny Staters was thirty-six but looked younger. He was lean and well muscled. Granny played tennis, golfed and worked out regularly. He did smoke, a filthy habit but one he could not break, nerves you see.
...
China blue eyes ran down the limited details before him. His long elegant fingers removed a Players Filter from its packet and placed it into his fine linear mouth, then slid up the length of his pencil straight nose to scratch the bushy blond eyebrows. These in turn held up his short, broad forehead and meticulously styled blond hair. His most interesting feature was the chin, extending like a concrete buttress making him look forceful and tough.
Page 7
Who would kill Lacy? His orders had placed Lacy in the British Virgins concerning what? I'll be damned, turtles. Some bloody Leather Backed turtles. The British Virgins were trying some sort of variation of the St. Johns scuba with the turtles frolic for the greenies et Elle. However, underwater explosions were killing the endangered breed.
It seems the tourists could snorkel with the Leather Backs, the largest of the sea turtles, some weighed as much as 1,200 lbs. A few of the turtles had immigrated to Tortola, probably to get away from the bloody tourists. Someone in the Governors office figured they could steak a march on St. Johns, where the Leather Backs lived a protected existence in a National Park. Here was an attraction that made money and was good for the environment. Of course dead turtles tend to clog up the works, so he had been asked to look into it because the problem might be in the American Virgins.
Page 8
Maybe Lacy went out to frolic and ran into a shark or had a heart attack and the shark had found him.
...
The scenario was wrong. Sharks very seldom attacked people, then usually just those on the surface. The flipping of the feet or any turbulance made them think the individual was in trouble. Blood in the water was the primary reason for an attack. There were very few reports of sharks contacts around the island or perhaps the local press kept it out to soothe the tourists. He would check but it was thin.
The CIA, for all its faults, wouldn't kill turtles or Lacy for that matter.
I can hardly wait for the sex scene.
Spy Not by George V. Henderson is quite possibly the worst book I have ever read and I am only on page 8. My sister got so sick of me reading all of the "good" bits out to her that she retreated to the safety of her own room.
This is a self-published book that is personally inscribed by the author. Despite this personal touch, my mother's friend still ditched it. It's just that good.
Here is the opening sentence:
"Officer Francis Ernest Mann slid out of his cruiser and let the early morning wind frisk him, finding all the moist areas on his body."
(punctutation, spelling and spacing as printed)
Page 2
There were no skid marks, but that was possible.
The tourist might have been drunk. He certainly was dead. The air bag had opened and the safety belt was on. However, the roof of the Ford had come up to meet his head; breaking his neck as the car had landed on its nose and flipped onto its back. While sliding down the yellow grass slope near the road.
Below, another police cruiser and a local tow truck were sizing up the problem so that the vehicle could be removed from the Rasta's property.
The Rasta had heard ' the mighty thunder' (Fran chuckled) but nothing else. The man was already dead when the Rasta had 'gone and looked right away'. The ex- Jamaican shook his dread locks, "Auta to cage dem tourists at night, mun!" was his contribution to the investigation.
Page 3
The lack of skid marks, began to bothered Fran. On second thought, if Mr. Sutton had been going too fast, even over fifty his trajectory would have cleared the road below and not stopped until he hit the harbour. No! too far. On the other hand Sutton should have been able to stop at a slower speed.
Page 4
Today the owners were away and Jimmy was about to catch his lunch and supper too, maybe. He chuckled. Reaching down with weathered black hands he pick up the fishing rod and red Kmart bait box, before slowly trudging to the end of the pier.
He seated himself, shaded by a battered straw hat and began to bait his hooks. Out of the corner of his left eye he saw it. His face paled as he realized what it was. The sharks had gotten the head. There were terrible slash marks on the neck. Only an arm and the torso bobbed by the pier support. He was first clutched by terror but Jimmy had seen death at Seoul and other less prominent places in Korea.
Page 6
Granny Staters was thirty-six but looked younger. He was lean and well muscled. Granny played tennis, golfed and worked out regularly. He did smoke, a filthy habit but one he could not break, nerves you see.
...
China blue eyes ran down the limited details before him. His long elegant fingers removed a Players Filter from its packet and placed it into his fine linear mouth, then slid up the length of his pencil straight nose to scratch the bushy blond eyebrows. These in turn held up his short, broad forehead and meticulously styled blond hair. His most interesting feature was the chin, extending like a concrete buttress making him look forceful and tough.
Page 7
Who would kill Lacy? His orders had placed Lacy in the British Virgins concerning what? I'll be damned, turtles. Some bloody Leather Backed turtles. The British Virgins were trying some sort of variation of the St. Johns scuba with the turtles frolic for the greenies et Elle. However, underwater explosions were killing the endangered breed.
It seems the tourists could snorkel with the Leather Backs, the largest of the sea turtles, some weighed as much as 1,200 lbs. A few of the turtles had immigrated to Tortola, probably to get away from the bloody tourists. Someone in the Governors office figured they could steak a march on St. Johns, where the Leather Backs lived a protected existence in a National Park. Here was an attraction that made money and was good for the environment. Of course dead turtles tend to clog up the works, so he had been asked to look into it because the problem might be in the American Virgins.
Page 8
Maybe Lacy went out to frolic and ran into a shark or had a heart attack and the shark had found him.
...
The scenario was wrong. Sharks very seldom attacked people, then usually just those on the surface. The flipping of the feet or any turbulance made them think the individual was in trouble. Blood in the water was the primary reason for an attack. There were very few reports of sharks contacts around the island or perhaps the local press kept it out to soothe the tourists. He would check but it was thin.
The CIA, for all its faults, wouldn't kill turtles or Lacy for that matter.
I can hardly wait for the sex scene.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-13 01:16 am (UTC)*blink blink*
(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-13 03:21 pm (UTC)*dies laughing*
(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-13 11:53 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-13 02:13 pm (UTC)Thank you for this. I needed a laugh. How do such people get published, I wonder? And who in their right mind would admit to being the publishing editor for this book?!
(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-13 03:25 pm (UTC)I've also learned that he has published at least 2 more books with the same hero (he hasn't made an appearance in the excerpts I posted). I am expecting a real Mary Sue as the hero is a man from Niagara Falls, Ontario and the book was published by a company in Niagara Falls, Ontario. I am expecting great things and I am sure I will not be disappointed!
(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-17 03:35 pm (UTC)Keep us posted!